My latest hobby is seeing what weird and unusual items I can send through the post. Mostly without any form of wrapping and to the constant bemusement of my friends.
So far I've achieved:
1 slice of toast. Well wrapped and arrived successfully. Not still edible.
2 rubber ducks, with address labels tied around their necks. Sent to separate recipients and both arrived, although one upset the postman.
2 flip flops. Not actually a matching pair. I'm now left with the two unmatching other halves. This was not well thought through.
A wooden fish. This cost as much to post as to buy.
A banana. Labelled 'Ninja Banana' with address and stamps placed directly onto the skin. Arrived repackaged in a box. Frankly I'm surprised they delivered it at all!
Monday, 3 January 2011
Things that will certainly occur
I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and New Year's Eve and have so far enjoyed 2011.
I'm never quite sure if I think New Year’s Resolutions are a good idea or not. Regardless, I make several every year. Here's this year's list, all of which I am definitely going to keep!
Be more creative. I want to make at least one thing every week.
Write more letters. Or postcards. Or telegrams. Or whatever! (And send them.)
Whinge less. Be more grateful.
Give up Facebook for 1 month. Hopefully this will create enough free time for me to achieve some of the other resolutions.
Learn to drive.
Steal a penguin. And dress him up in tinsel next Christmas. It's definitely going to be awesome.
Blog more regularly. I have arbitrarily chosen Mondays and Fridays for this. Watch this space. Or not. It's up to you.
I'm never quite sure if I think New Year’s Resolutions are a good idea or not. Regardless, I make several every year. Here's this year's list, all of which I am definitely going to keep!
Be more creative. I want to make at least one thing every week.
Write more letters. Or postcards. Or telegrams. Or whatever! (And send them.)
Whinge less. Be more grateful.
Give up Facebook for 1 month. Hopefully this will create enough free time for me to achieve some of the other resolutions.
Learn to drive.
Steal a penguin. And dress him up in tinsel next Christmas. It's definitely going to be awesome.
Blog more regularly. I have arbitrarily chosen Mondays and Fridays for this. Watch this space. Or not. It's up to you.
Thursday, 29 July 2010
Thursday, 10 June 2010
London
I realised the other week that my favourite part of traveling to London is the bit where I leave it, go home and have a long shower. So here are the reasons I hate London. Mostly referring to the underground
1. It stinks
2. I get covered in yuck and don’t feel clean for days, regardless of how many times I wash.
3. It gives me black bogeys
4. There are lots of people
5. People are cunts
6. Lots of people = angry me
7. Small, enclosed spaces = horrible
8. Small spaces + lots of people = angry, stabby me
9. I don’t like being angry, it saddens me
10. The sky is grey, the buildings are grey, and the floor is grey. It makes me feel like I’m trapped in the world’s shittest snow-globe
11. People are rude.
12. People are suspicious and unfriendly
13. If you smile at someone they look at you like you just pissed on their dog
14. 60s and 70s architecture. Ick
15. It takes bloody ages to get anywhere, and most of the journey involves having your face in someone’s sweaty armpit
16. It’s generally raining, which is never a good thing
1. It stinks
2. I get covered in yuck and don’t feel clean for days, regardless of how many times I wash.
3. It gives me black bogeys
4. There are lots of people
5. People are cunts
6. Lots of people = angry me
7. Small, enclosed spaces = horrible
8. Small spaces + lots of people = angry, stabby me
9. I don’t like being angry, it saddens me
10. The sky is grey, the buildings are grey, and the floor is grey. It makes me feel like I’m trapped in the world’s shittest snow-globe
11. People are rude.
12. People are suspicious and unfriendly
13. If you smile at someone they look at you like you just pissed on their dog
14. 60s and 70s architecture. Ick
15. It takes bloody ages to get anywhere, and most of the journey involves having your face in someone’s sweaty armpit
16. It’s generally raining, which is never a good thing
Wednesday, 9 June 2010
In which Aragorn is lovely
Ophelia, Aurelia-Mae and a few other amazing lovely people did a sponsored walk for charity in which 26 miles were walked across, complete with swearing, grumbling, and the occasional inability to form a coherent sentence altogether.
There was only one thing that kept us going all those long and weary miles. It wasn't the charity we were walking in aid of. It wasn't the joy of pushing our bodies to the limit. It wasn't the glory of completing the walk and being handed a shiny medal whilst onlookers applauded and cheered. It wasn't even the copious amounts of strong liquor we would be consuming as soon as we reached the pub. It was Aragorn.
There was only one thing that kept us going all those long and weary miles. It wasn't the charity we were walking in aid of. It wasn't the joy of pushing our bodies to the limit. It wasn't the glory of completing the walk and being handed a shiny medal whilst onlookers applauded and cheered. It wasn't even the copious amounts of strong liquor we would be consuming as soon as we reached the pub. It was Aragorn.
Om nom.The next day, three of us found ourselves sprawled in a living room, only moving to hobble slowly and painfully to the bathroom. We would not move. We even decided against hobbling the short distance to the nearest shop to buy food for our grumbling bellies, making do with Toblerone and Oreos to tide us over until it was time order pizza. But then tragedy struck.
We couldn’t find the extended edition box set of the Lord of the Rings. I mean seriously, what the fudge? Eventually, after turning the entire house upside down and shrieking in panic at the prospect of an Aragornless evening, we discussed the matter and decided there was only one solution. We had to buy another copy.
So off we went, muscles aching and blisters burning, into the town to find our beloved Ranger. Eventually, we found it, and made the painful journey back up the painful hill. I have only two words. Worth it.
After sitting back with pizza and our favourite films, we were reminded of the drooltasticness (that’s a real word, honest) of Elesar, the grace of Legolas and the sadness of Boromir’s tale. There was laughter, there were tears, but most of all there were squees over Aragorn. Let’s face it; he’s pretty hot for an 86 year old.
We can now confirm on high authority that Aragorn, son of Arathorn, is lovely when he is:
- Gesticulating wildly
- All wet and covered in Khthulu goo
- Sleeping
- Reclining
- Hiding
- Anguished
- Carrying hobbits
- Covered in snow
- Nursing a pint
- Smoking a pipe
- Threatening Boromir with his eyes
- Sharpening his sword
- Smacking Gimli
- Crying
- Singing sad songs
- Resolute and angry
- Beheading Uruk’Hai
- Listening to rocks
Hail Aragorn, the sexiest beast in Middle Earth
Monday, 26 April 2010
An ode to loneliness
It was a dark and stormy night. A sense of foreboding hung heavy in the air, like a souffle that wouldn't rise. The goldfish shifted restlessly in their bowl. In the distance, a butterfly screamed....
* * * * *
Today was student loan day, and the first day back at uni after the Easter holidays, so the pub where I work was understandably busy tonight. Despite the blatant predictability of this, the management had rota'd on only a skeleton staff. (Sadly not actual skeletons for staff - that would have made the night so much more interesting!) For two hours, O was on his own in the kitchen, so to cheer him up (OK, to entertain myself) I sang as many songs as I could possibly think of about being alone or lonely. He seemed to appreciate it.
All by myself, written by Eric Carmen
On my own from Les Miserables
Lonely by Akon (or, of course, the Slugs from Flushed Away!)
The second verse of A Case of You by Joni Mitchell (which is one of my favourite songs ever)
You are not alone by Michael Jackson
You're not alone by Olive, obviously, since I am old enough to remember the original and like it much better than Tinchy Stryder's version.
Alone by Heart
Blue Moon, originally written by Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart in 1934
* * * * *
Today was student loan day, and the first day back at uni after the Easter holidays, so the pub where I work was understandably busy tonight. Despite the blatant predictability of this, the management had rota'd on only a skeleton staff. (Sadly not actual skeletons for staff - that would have made the night so much more interesting!) For two hours, O was on his own in the kitchen, so to cheer him up (OK, to entertain myself) I sang as many songs as I could possibly think of about being alone or lonely. He seemed to appreciate it.
All by myself, written by Eric Carmen
On my own from Les Miserables
Lonely by Akon (or, of course, the Slugs from Flushed Away!)
The second verse of A Case of You by Joni Mitchell (which is one of my favourite songs ever)
You are not alone by Michael Jackson
You're not alone by Olive, obviously, since I am old enough to remember the original and like it much better than Tinchy Stryder's version.
Alone by Heart
Blue Moon, originally written by Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart in 1934
More awesome ads
I loved the Meerkat adverts to start with, I really did, but there is only so many random people going "Simples" at completely irrelevant moments I can take. So now I don't like them.
Much as this saddens me, I'm cheered by the new Warburtons adverts, which are pure genius on a stick.
This one even made me weep a bit.
Another company who are good at making delectable adverts, if not produce, are Marmite. I adore the political slant they have put on their latest adverts, with messages from the Love and Hate parties.
Sadly, the campaign seems to be biased towards the Love party, which is ridiculous considering how right the Hate party is.
When I am queen there with be designated Marmite Eating Areas.
Much as this saddens me, I'm cheered by the new Warburtons adverts, which are pure genius on a stick.
This one even made me weep a bit.
Another company who are good at making delectable adverts, if not produce, are Marmite. I adore the political slant they have put on their latest adverts, with messages from the Love and Hate parties.
Sadly, the campaign seems to be biased towards the Love party, which is ridiculous considering how right the Hate party is.
When I am queen there with be designated Marmite Eating Areas.
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