An ode to loneliness

It was a dark and stormy night. A sense of foreboding hung heavy in the air, like a souffle that wouldn't rise. The goldfish shifted restlessly in their bowl. In the distance, a butterfly screamed....

* * * * *

Today was student loan day, and the first day back at uni after the Easter holidays, so the pub where I work was understandably busy tonight. Despite the blatant predictability of this, the management had rota'd on only a skeleton staff. (Sadly not actual skeletons for staff - that would have made the night so much more interesting!) For two hours, O was on his own in the kitchen, so to cheer him up (OK, to entertain myself) I sang as many songs as I could possibly think of about being alone or lonely. He seemed to appreciate it.

All by myself, written by Eric Carmen

On my own from Les Miserables

Lonely by Akon (or, of course, the Slugs from Flushed Away!)

The second verse of A Case of You by Joni Mitchell (which is one of my favourite songs ever)

You are not alone by Michael Jackson

You're not alone by Olive, obviously, since I am old enough to remember the original and like it much better than Tinchy Stryder's version.

Alone by Heart

Blue Moon, originally written by Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart in 1934

More awesome ads

I loved the Meerkat adverts to start with, I really did, but there is only so many random people going "Simples" at completely irrelevant moments I can take. So now I don't like them.

Much as this saddens me, I'm cheered by the new Warburtons adverts, which are pure genius on a stick.

This one even made me weep a bit.

Another company who are good at making delectable adverts, if not produce, are Marmite. I adore the political slant they have put on their latest adverts, with messages from the Love and Hate parties.

Sadly, the campaign seems to be biased towards the Love party, which is ridiculous considering how right the Hate party is.

When I am queen there with be designated Marmite Eating Areas.

In which we pay homage to commercialism

I spent the weekend staying with people who have TV, and now have the exceptionally annoying jingle from the Go Compare adverts stuck in my head. You know the ones with the dancing, singing fat man with the crinkly mustache who you just want to smack?? It's driving me (and everyone I work with) absolutely mental, and has lead to a lot of discussion about good/bad advertising. Generally I try to avoid watching adverts (something which has got remarkably easier since we stopped having a TV in our house) but every now and then someone produces something that is just pure genius. Thus, I present to you (in no particular order):

The Really Really Awesome Adverts List!


Its an Mini Adventure! They were several of these a few years back and they were all awesome, but my favourite was the one with the zombies!

The skating priests from the Stella Artois adverts!

The Barclays adverts with Samuel L Jackson. If a dollar was a chicken would a chicken be evil?

That Skoda ad where they bake the car.

Ooh, They're floaty light!

The T-Mobile flash mob adverts from last year!

I want to go to this party!

It's never Christmas until you see the Coca Cola advert!

And finally, my current favourite, Comparethemeerkat.com. This is a piece of advertising brilliance! As well as several lovely ads, there's a web page, a Facebook page, Twitter and an iPhone app! Simples!

In which we overthink childhood dreams

My friends have been talking about Bernard's Watch, and how useful/much fun it would be to have one. I always wanted one of those, as, I suspect, has every other person who's ever thought about it. Why wouldn't you? The practical applications are almost limitless. Though I'm a little worried about the ageing effects it could potentially have. I mean, would you end up aging faster than everyone else? If you only used it for an hour a day, you'd only gain 1 extra year for every 24, but what if you accidentally fell asleep with it on? For say, 8 hours at a time? That's an extra year for every 3 years every one else lived. So by the time you should be 30, you'd actually be 40!

Have I thought about this too much??

Some thoughts on how to minimise the badness

I have a list of Important Rules For Life:

1. Do not set yourself on fire¹
2. Don't say anything
3. Be relentlessly cheerful
4. Ghost is not a career choice
5. Never cook sausages up a tree²
6. You can never have too many stamps
7. Never anger copyright lawyers¹
8. Keep your pockets free of margarine³
9. Never build a super collider
10. Do not use your pillow as a pin cushion¹
11. Stay away from Raki
12. Do not attempt embroidery in the bath
13. Do not agree to anything until you've been awake for at least 10 minutes<sup>4



_{1</sup>As tested by myself. ⁴Repeatedly.
²As tested by some people I know.
³Advice given to me by my form tutor when I left school.}

In which we learn that I should never rent horror movies.

I was woken this morning by a phone call from debt collectors. Fortunately, it's pay day, so I was able to give them the £27 fine I had run up on my Blockbuster account (and then forgotten about) but it was still not a pleasant way to start the day. While I understand they are entitled to their money, I do wonder if it's worth all the custom they must lose by taking such a heavy handed approach. Many of the friends I have mentioned this to say they have also had this happen to them (mostly for much smaller amounts) and most have not used Blockbuster since. Personally, I reckon in future it would be cheaper and easier just to buy the DVDs.

In other news, this has got to be one of the freakiest things I've ever found on the web.

Too Many Thoughts

I have too many thoughts. Ideas, musings, whimsies, and idle speculations will float or burst into my mind at all hours of the day. Sometimes these thoughts will lead, ultimately, to something productive, or at least interesting; a creative project, a discussion with my friends (or anyone else who will listen) or the purchase of a book which promises to answer all my questions! Often I will rush to write down a particularly splendid thought, usually abandoning a much more useful task in the process. Mostly though, these thoughts just swirl around and around in my head, jostling for my attention and preventing me from actually achieving anything.

So, I clearly need less thoughts. Or at least somewhere to direct them to, to keep them out of my way. Thus I have decided to write a blog. (The particularly sharp among you may have already noticed this.) Now, I have no delusions that this blog will ever become especially popular or anything fancy like that. (I know it's mandatory to say that, so as not to appear as a conceited ass, and of course it would be lovely if I became a internationally famous blogger extraordinaire, but really, it's not looking hopeful!) I'm writing this blog for me, about things that I find interesting, curious or worthy of attention. If you happen to find them interesting too, then you're welcome to tag along. But honestly, if I were you, I'd run screaming. Now. Go on, it'll only end badly if you don't.....